Today I am angry. Stop reading now if you want to be enlightened or cheered up. I have nothing good to say. People have tried to be supportive and said some incredibly stupid things. Case in point, one person who has referred to Willow as "practice" for when I can be a Pawpaw at a more appropriate time. Are you freaking kidding me? I didn't lose a puppy. I didn't take a stab at being a Pawpaw and it didn't work out. Willow was a human being, a soul, a beautiful person who was more dear and precious to me than my own life and for someone close to me to refer to her as practice or to say she wasn't appropriate is, well, I'm livid and wondering if I should close the door on this person. There is nothing, NOTHING that I would not have done for her, no sacrifice that I would not have made and I would have died a thousand horrific deaths for her. This same person saw fit to tell my wife that it wasn't appropriate for us to post pictures of Shelby on Facebook when she was 9 months pregnant. It just "wasn't right." Let me tell the world something now and set it straight forever. Shelby is a person who has had to endure more emotional confusion and hardship than any one person should have had to bear, being raised by one household that was trying to teach her one thing and in and out of another household who was trying to teach her another. She was confused and as a child who can fault you for not having all of the answers and trying to find your own way? She made some poor choices, sure. Haven't you? I have and mine, although different, were far more self destructive than hers and the unique thing about Shelby is that her decisions led to her having a baby, a beautiful baby who gave her a clear vision on what her life was about. Willow changed Shelby. Willow changed us all. Willow was the number one focus of Shelby's life from getting out of bed to returning to it. Sun up till sun down doesn't even come close. She worked to provide as much as she could for her, and we gladly filled in the gaps. It was our HONOR! Shelby strove to achieve a degree that could put her into a position where she could provide a wonderful life for Willow, without needing to lean on us or anyone. I have more respect and admiration for Shelby than for anyone I've ever known and for anyone to refer to her or some action she has taken in life and choose to tell us that it was inappropriate or not well timed, well screw them. You don't have the first idea. I am sure that I will regret some of the things I've written in this and am proud of myself at the same time for not releasing the name of the person who said these stupid things. I miss my baby girl. I am a shadow of the man I used to be without her and have no idea how I will ever kill the pain or fill the emptiness that she has left. My perfect, beautiful, funny, happy..... I am not going to try and put her into words because there has not yet been a word that can encapsulate just what she was or what she had. What good are my arms when I cannot use them to hold her? Why should I ever sing again when her ears are not here to hear the song? What good are my lips when I cannot use them to kiss a boo boo or my shoulders if not for her to cry on? Willow gave us all purpose, and yes I know that my wife and kids still need me, but my Willow, my sweet Willow, she doesn't need me anymore. But at least I got some "practice" for when "the time was right."